‘I only feel half alive’: Mushroom lunch survivor reveals heartbreak of life without his wife
An emotional Ian Wilkinson fought back tears at the Supreme Court in Melbourne on Monday as he read out a moving victim impact statement about his wife of 44 years, Heather.
Read his full statement below:
Your honour, I would like to begin with a few words about my beautiful wife, Heather.
She was a compassionate, intelligent, brave, witty and simply a delightful person who loved sharing life with others.
Like everyone else, she had faults, but she actively sought to overcome them so she could live peacefully and constructively with all people.
She was generous in her attitudes and with her resources. If she could help somebody, she would.
Heather had a great sense of humour and it was a joy to be in her company. She loved learning and had a special interest in languages.
She was a wonderful wife. We shared a very close marriage relationship for 44 years. Heather was always supportive and encouraging to me. She was wise and had skills that made up for my shortcomings. Together, we faced life as a team, and we delighted in each other’s company. We shared a lot of common interests and yet encouraged each other in our own particular interests.
Heather and Ian Wilkinson.
Heather was a great mother to our four children. We decided together that she would be a stay-at-home mum. She loved our children and believed her greatest work was to raise them to be good people, with values of care for each other in the family, and for other people beyond the family.
I think that the way our children [conducted] themselves through the crisis of our illness and the subsequent legal proceedings is testament to her mothering skills. Our children were thrown into an unprecedented situation in which they suddenly had to take medical responsibility for the lives of their parents: the trauma that they experienced at their mother’s death and at my near-death has left deep wounds. I’m deeply grieved by their ongoing pain.
Heather was a proud grandma who loved each of our six grandchildren. Heather took an active interest in their lives and created activities that would bring them together. Family events are no longer the same. A very important member of our family is missing.
Heather was also a fellow traveller with me in the way of Jesus, along with many other people. She took her faith very seriously. It shaped her life and the way that she lived. Heather was full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. All the fruits of the spirit of Jesus living in her, we encouraged each other and urged each other on to love God and love our neighbours as ourselves.
Convicted triple-murderer Erin Patterson arriving at the Supreme Court of Victoria in Melbourne on Monday.Credit: Jason Edwards
She had a particular compassion for strugglers and disadvantaged people, and that was reflected in the teaching, mentoring work she chose to do when she re-entered the workforce after our children had reached secondary age.
I could go on; there’s so much more that deserves to be said about Heather. It’s one of the distressing shortcomings of our society that so much attention is showered on those who do evil and so little on those who do good. The greatest impact of Erin’s actions on me has been to deprive me of Heather’s company and Heather’s important place in our family – the silence in our home is a daily reminder.
I continue to carry a heavy burden of grief over her untimely death. It’s a truly horrible thought to live with, that somebody could decide to take her life. I only feel half alive without her. My consolation is that we will be reunited in the resurrection and the age to come.
In a similar vein, the second-heaviest impact on me has been the loss of Don and Gail. They were the next two closest people to me, after Heather and our family, and again, they were good and solid people. No doubt their families will say more about them, but I would like to acknowledge their good character and their constructive influence on my life.
Our families grew up together. They were all so serious about following Jesus, and we encouraged and supported each other for about 50 years. My life is greatly impoverished without them. I have suffered severe personal impacts from Erin’s actions.
I very, very nearly died. It has taken me the best part of two years for my health and strength to recover to the point that I have. I praise God for my miraculous healing, and I thank the many medical professionals who strived to save all four of us. They threw everything into our care. I joke that I know this because I have a bump on the back of my head from the kitchen sink.
It’s a grief to them that Heather, Gail and Don died. Although I’ve made a good recovery, my health has never returned to the levels I had before the fateful lunch. I have reduced kidney function, ongoing respiratory issues and reduced energy, and I’ve had to face the many challenges of re-establishing life without Heather.
The challenge has vastly changed … I’m suddenly single. The heartbreak of having to wind up her affairs. Returning to pastoral work without her help and sage advice. Unsettled sleep. Nobody to share in life’s daily tasks, which has taken much of the joy out of pottering around the house and the garden. Nobody to debrief with at the end of the day. The impacts are so many and varied, some big and a myriad of small things, that no list could ever contain them.
I’m distressed that Erin has acted with callous and calculated disregard for my life and the lives of those I love. What foolishness possesses a person to think that murder could be the solution to their problems, especially the murder of people who had only good intentions towards her? Erin has brought deep sorrow and grief into my life and the lives of many others, the ripples spread out through family, friends, our church, congregation, the local community and beyond.
In regard to the many harms done to me, I make an offer of forgiveness to Erin. I say harms done to me advisedly; I have no power or responsibility to forgive harms done to others.
In regards to the murder of Heather, Gail and Don, I am compelled to seek justice. However, I encourage Erin to receive my offer of forgiveness for those harms done to me with full confession and repentance.
I bear her no ill will. My prayer for her is that she will use her time in jail wisely to become a better person. Now I am no longer Erin Patterson’s victim, and she has become the victim of my kindness.
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