By Nell Geraets
Warning: this story mentions suicide.
Aubrey Plaza has publicly opened up about her grief for the first time since the sudden death of her husband earlier this year, describing it as “an ocean of awfulness”.
Her late husband, indie writer and director Jeff Baena, died in a Los Angeles residence in January. A medical examiner later reported he died by suicide. Baena was 47.
The couple married in their backyard during the pandemic in 2020 after 10 years together, with Plaza revealing the news in an Instagram post in 2021. She later told Vanity Fair it was a “very impulsive” wedding.
Aubrey Plaza (right) has opened up about her late husband for the first time on Amy Poehler’s Good Hang podcast.Credit: YouTube
Plaza, who came to fame with a breakout role in the comedy series Parks and Recreation, spoke candidly about what the previous eight months have been like with her former co-star Amy Poehler on her Good Hang podcast.
Plaza compared her grief to the horror film The Gorge, which premiered on Apple TV about a month after Baena died.
“In the movie, there’s a cliff on one side and a cliff on the other side. Then there’s like a gorge in between, and it’s filled with all these monster people that are trying to get them,” she said during the episode, which landed on Wednesday morning (AEDT).
“I swear when I watched it, I was like, ‘that feels like what my grief is like’ … At all times, there’s a giant ocean of awfulness that’s right there, and I can see it.”
She said she sometimes wants to “dive into it and just be in it”, while other times she just wants to look at it. “And then sometimes I just try to get away from it – but it’s always there.”
According to the medical examiner’s report released in March, the couple had separated four months before Baena’s death. Plaza and his family shared a brief statement following the filmmaker’s passing, describing it as “an unimaginable tragedy” and imploring people to respect their privacy.
Since then, the actor has largely remained out of the spotlight. However, she is currently doing the media rounds as part of the promotion of her upcoming film, Ethan Coen’s Honey Don’t! – her first major film release this year.
Jeff Baena and Aubrey Plaza at the premiere of The Little Hours In Los Angeles in 2017.Credit: AP
“Overall, I’m here, and I’m functioning. I feel really grateful to be moving through the world,” Plaza said on the podcast. “But it’s like a daily struggle, obviously.”
Baena was known for his work co-writing the quirky comedy I Heart Huckabees in 2004. He went on to write and direct the films Life After Beth, Joshy, The Little Hours, Horse Girl and Spin Me Round, and also created the anthology series Cinema Toast. Plaza starred in his directorial debut Life After Beth in 2014. The couple worked together on five films, performing together in The End of Love (2014).
Though Plaza is best known for her role as the dark and dry April on Parks and Recreation, she has also starred in Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Dirty Grandpa, The White Lotus and Megalopolis. In 2023, she was nominated for a Golden Globe for her part in the second season of The White Lotus.
How have people responded?
Since the podcast episode dropped, listeners have flooded social media to express gratitude for Plaza and Poehler’s delicate navigation of such a sensitive subject. Many found the description of grief as an “ocean of awfulness” relatable and somewhat comforting. Listeners also considered it a refreshing departure from Western culture’s traditional approach to death, especially suicide, which is generally to avoid it.
“I also lost my partner this year and I didn’t expect this episode to be so comforting. I thought they would just ignore Aubrey’s grief, as that is what most of my friends have done. It was nice to see everyone be so honest about it and not afraid of it,” one listener wrote in the comments section on YouTube.
Aubrey Plaza (left) is starring in the upcoming mystery-comedy Honey Don’t! alongside Margaret Qualley (right).Credit: AP
On Instagram, writer Evan Ross Katz praised both women for their approach to conversations about death and loss.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Nothing heals the heart like hearing people talk about their grief journey. Incredibly grateful to Aubrey Plaza for sharing this, and to Amy Poehler for shepherding the conversation. Good Hang, once again, delivers.”
Several others highlighted Poehler’s approach in particular, applauding the comedian for including the National Suicide and Crisis Prevention Lifeline at 988 and Spotify’s mental health resources in the episode.
“Props to Amy for her people-skills,” one YouTube user wrote. “Knowing when a moment needs space, but also when you can make it lighter by jokes and laughter is such an amazing skill to have.”
If you or anyone you know needs support, call Lifeline on 131 114 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636.
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